September 2019

1151. 2nd September - Search and Rescue, Rivelin Hotel, Tofts lane
1152. 9th September - Desperado, Cock and Pullet, Sheldon

1153. 16th September - Trunks; Little John, Hathersage

1154. 23rd September - Sticky Shaft, Stables bar (behind Monsal Head Hotel), Monsal Head

1155. 30th September - Smittie; Hare and Hounds, Common side Rd, Barlow 

#1150 An evening at Charlie's

So this was it, the highlight of the Hash Summer Season, a Barby at Charlie’s.  Hashers came from far and wide, some cycled; Fast Eddy and Spiv, some came by automobile; Mincer, BDD, Captain Morgan to name but a few, Queen Squiggle and your Scribe decided to run and were conveniently rescued by S&R just before the final ascent at the Rising Sun*.

Alas this was to be Vagitarian’s last Sheffield Hash, for 2019 at least, so what better than to show her the beautiful countryside on S10’s doorstep.

Liz has spotted some nefarious looking characters...

With meat and beer stored in Captain Colon’s garage we ventured off towards forge dam.  The Colon was up to his usual tricks and led us on a merry dance, where we found ‘Hash Home’ and an ‘X’ which were both to be used later. We finally worked our way West to the first crossing point at Quiet Lane, the intention was to wade up the stream where flour had been placed on protruding rocks.  Shunter needed little encouragement to do this and was soon knee deep under the bridge, most of us took the dry route and shouted words of encouragement to our amphibious friend. Mincer later claimed he had took the wet route but this was doubtful and with no credible witnesses his claims were dismissed.

Spiv recounted a tale from the vaults when Uglyman and him had been in a Hash relay, Spiv had to navigate the river and Uglyman the paths.  Needless to say Uglyman followed the correct path and Spiv took a wrong tributary ending up in Ranmoor.

Meanwhile back on trail Search and Rescue spotted the flour on a discarded dog poop, this led us back across the road and along Carr bridge foot path.  When I say ‘we’ I mean Queen Squiggle, Search and Rescue, Vagitarian and Sticky Shaft. In the time elapsed waiting for the others, we rediscovered the earlier X and used it as God had intended, checked every other path and eventually found our way back on trail, heading up towards Hangram Lane.  At this point the other Hashers began to appear, apparently Shunter had gone the way of Spiv and needed some encouragement to find his way out of the stream.

HRH going the right way

Looking to make up some ground Mincer and Spiv attempted a shortcut straight up the hill; photographic evidence is available.  Big Daddy’s Daughter showed us her superior athletic prowess and raced Mincer via the correct route to the stile, needless to say his short cutting did not grant him victory.

SCBs!!

With the pack reassembled we headed up the hill and passed some Jersey cattle where our presence did not so much as disturb their cud chewing; word must have spread that we are no match for the Bovine Mafia. We had a short stint on Ringinglow Road than CC looped us back in and over a previously crossed path.  Prof put in a mysterious appearance as a front runner, the short cutting was shameless that evening.

We eventually found ourselves on Trap Lane a few cards short of a full deck, so to speak, calls were made, directions were issued - by Mincer no less. A few of us shot off on the trail through Blue Bell woods. Those who had laughed at the mere suggestion of head torches earlier were ominously silent at this stage, everyone seemed to be on the look out for the tree root which would spoil their evening.  At this point we passed a crop of houses where S & R enthusiastically told us about her family connections to both one of the houses and a nearby murder that took place 70 years ago…the pace quickened.

Before we knew it we were back at Forge Damn and attention turned to the feast that awaited us.  We converged on Captain Colon’s bar and grill at around 9pm, the fire pit was hot and the Pogues provided the soundtrack.

BBQ in full swing

Segregation of carnivorous from vegetarian treats was not exactly watertight and relied heavily on Prof’s tolerance and any flexitarian instincts he may or may not have had.  As an observation I think this is the first barbecue where I have seen all of the food cleared from the grill, there’s usually one poor chargrilled chicken wing remaining but this was a massacre on a scale never before witnessed, Captain Morgan even tried to cook the plastic between his burgers.

Not so much as a solitary sausage

There was a strong correlation between the increase in beer consumption, sightings of passing space stations and levels of gullibility of the uninitiated. Magic could happen in Captain Colon’s fairy garden and as the evening progressed stories were swapped, promises made, Pippa was overfed and final goodbyes were said to our summer visitor Vagitarian.

Fortunately for CC’s neighbours we did not burst into the traditional Hash goodbye chorus of ‘F off you C’, but there were plenty of commitments made to Hash in Madrid and vice versa.

So I’ll end here with thanks to Captain Colon for hosting us and final 2019 goodbyes to both Vagitarian and headtorch-less runs.

On On,

Sticky Shaft

*….my apologies to the previous Strava record holders of ‘Stumperlowe View Climb’ and ‘Tesco Hill Climb’….S & R drives too fast!

August 2019

1148. 5th August - Suyin, Sir William Hotel, Grindleford
1149. 12th August - Fast Eddie, Devonshire Arms, Pilsley
1150. 19th August - Capt. Colon, BBQ Hash 26 Brooklands Avenue, S10 4GD 4ish mile route followed by a BBQ. Bring drinks and food to share. Run will start promptly at 7.40!!
26th August - Bank Holiday

# 1148 Parable of the Talents

5th August, Queen Squiggle, Sir William, Grindleford

Following last week’s inspection of the formerly derelict Shire Brook Valley and its urban hinterland we were back in the sylvan beauty of the Derwent Valley.  And the only strange women to be seen were from Hathersage. A healthy score of hashers assembled, including visiting Singapore Lion Hashers, Samson Latoy and Suction Cup as well as Captain Morgan, who should have been in Ireland but for Stena Line’s dodgy ferry. With no Captain Colon to stir us into action it was a very tardy start as we trundled reluctantly towards the first check via someone’s back garden. Skidmarks was soon charging off down the valley hotly pursued by Desperate Banana and our visitors (somewhat surprisingly given the usual state of visiting hashers). Wiser heads hung about near the bridge before the inevitable cries of back-to-check went up.

The trail was followed up into the Haywood below Froggatt Edge and it very soon became clear that this was going to be a classic hash as we blundered straight into a mire of shiggy before spreading out hopelessly in search of the lost flour. Of course that was because the trail had doubled back on itself in a manner which demonstrated that Suyin has inherited the genetic makeup of a true hasher; as one would expect of someone with a direct line to the Mother Hash. We zigzagged this way and that before emerging into a brief view of rural splendour before plunging back into the jungle; clearly the experience was mindblowing for Mincer, Monty’s Batman and Fast Eddie who were captured on film doing silly walks. 

Demonstrating fine running form

The Apprentice and Crystal Tips did sterling work on the gates and we crossed the road onto Froggatt Edge. Many assumed that we would soon be heading towards Curbar but the hare had other ideas and we cut back through the bracken towards White Edge. At least we might have done if certain lapsed hashers had been setting this run. Instead we trotted up the road past the Grouse and hung a left to the Hash Rest. It was here that the second of Suyin’s talents was revealed in the form of delicious cinnamon buns. Meanwhile Rawhide’s dog went off in search and found her behind a bush. We didn’t know who was most relieved.

Naïve hashers amongst us might have thought that was it and we would jog gently back downhill to the pub to the musical accompaniment of Trunk’s shoes. There was a sting in the tail though as we first hit the posh end of Nether Padley before climbing back up and then down a testing gully before heading past the Station Café and parallel to the railway. Dropping down onto the valley bottom there was a load more bog shiggy before the final mad dash On Home, a 5 miler and all safely gathered in by 9.20. We didn’t know it until later but the apparent inventiveness of the trail in the later stages owed more to another menacing cow than the skill of the hare. Thus it should have been no surprise when the third of Suyin’s talents was revealed, a new design for our next t-shirt featuring a bovine hash house “harrier”. 

New hash stash coming to all good apparel stores soon

On on,

Smittie