1367. 30th Sep - Cummingtonite & Milkmaid; The Rising Sun, Nethergreen

A Tale of Two Hashes

T’was a rainy night when a party of five set off from Crookes to see what our intrepid hares had in store for us. Sure as the sun rises Gloworm and G-String (complete with new lighting, sleek black Petzl, choice of champions) were eagerly awaiting the rest of the pack outside the Rising Sun.

It was rumoured that an advance party had already set off, but due to no kicked out checks this was surely a forlorn hope. Off we set around the back of the shops, currently unhandled Toby led the way and did some fancy spotting of ‘rain distressed’ flour.

                                                     Nothing could rile tonight's trail

The pack made its way cautiously alongside Hangingwater Allotments and Whitely woods, there was a high risk of trail loss, fortunately we had honed our skills on MTB’s previous hashes. We proceeded gingerly up through Bluebell woods discovering new path after new path, even lost lad stayed close by on this dark damp evening.

We eventually hit suburbia briefly and on to Bents Road, a weirdly wide road where cars refuse to pass each other but rather give way. There was a brief attempt by two cars to pass, à la normal motoring, but this ended in honks and screeches. At Haugh Lane it was a case of hashers' anticipation and hares' dilemma, Eccy woods or on towards Whirlow?

Whirlow it was and on we ambled, wondering; where were the lost hashers, would there be snacks, would it ever stop raining?  (Mincer had previously answered this in a fairly average attempt at whit on the Hash thread, 07:30 on Tuesday was the answer).

We made our way between Birkdale and Silverdale Schools finally coming out again on Ringinglow road.  Slightly up hill and to the left Toby appeared to be moon walking,  kicking out a check, or possibly rubbing poop off his shoes, with little else to go on we all followed him down Common lane and back towards the Porter Valley.

The scent of home was within us now and the pace picked up, such was Captain Morgan’s thirst that he took a short cut and likely got lost.  At Forge Dam playground we cut right and back down the valley, fond memories surfaced of Prof’s tale of riding headfirst into the river here, no serious damage done though!! 

At this point Captain Morgan proved that all shortcuts were the work of sinners and reappeared having gained no advantage whatsoever.  A drenched cyclist also appeared to tell us that a Tsunami had hit Bingham Park and that we should avoid it, he then carried on towards the source of the floods on his gravel bike.

The tail runners made the final ascent back toward Fulwood Road then it was on on down towards the pub. The rest of the pack, the Hares and the snacks awaited us. There had been a few potential sightings of other hashers but as they were not yet back, we feared the worst….in that they had not come out, not that they had disappeared in the Bingham Park Tsunami…for clarity.

It hardly seemed worth bringing out the diary and the night would have reached its natural conclusion except for, one by one, they started to appear, firstly Trunks, then Fishbait, Barnaby, Smittie and finally, on an after-party only ticket, was 15 mile Jinx. The diary duly appeared and a few holes in the calendar were plugged. The alternative hashers didn’t elaborate too much on where they had been or comment on their poor pace but perhaps their digital signatures may offer a clue:

                       

                             A Team Route                                                       B Team Route -  Don't Dilly Dally on the way

All in all a good night, those who braved the floods were grateful they did, thanks to the hares who also braved the floods and the criticism to set us an interesting trail. For their endeavours they have been offered places on the Hash Management Training Scheme and are the current custodians of the diary.  They are keen so you may get tap on the shoulder requesting that you set.                                                   

Reunited finally!!

On on,

Sticky Shaft

Afterthought….in true diva style, presumably to avoid the paparazzi and unwanted attention of Tilly, Lost Lad was carried out under a towel, possibly a John Lewis number, and escorted to his waiting limo where he became the first dog to sit in the boot. Tilly meanwhile sat quietly in disbelief that she had had to run with the B Team…

December 2024

1378. 2^nd December – Jinx; Norfolk Arms, Ringinglow
1379. 9^th December – Mincer, Hash Christmas Party, The Sheffield Tap
1380. 16^th December – Sticky Shaft, The Shepley Spitfire
1381. 23^rd December – Monty's Batman, TBC
1382. 30^th December - YTBH, Unsanctioned holiday Hash

November 2024

1372. 4^th November – Shunter, TBC
1373. 11^th November – Fishbait, TBC

1374. 16^th November - Winter Training Camp, Shining Cliff
1375. 17^th November-  Winter Training Camp, Shining Cliff

1376. 18th November - Prof, TBC
1377. 25^th November -Martin & Heli, TBC

October 2024

1368. 7th October – Smittie, Sportsman, Lodge Moor
1369. 14th October - Monty's Batman, Robin Hood, Baslow
1370. 21st October – Uglyman, Hammer & Pincers, Ringinglow Road
1371. 28th October - Barnaby, Blue Ball, Wharncliffe Side

September 2024

1363. 2nd Sep - Captain Morgan; Sportsman, Lodgemoor
1364. 9th Sep - G-String & Glowworm; Scotsman's Pack (Hathersage)
1365. 16th Sep - Samson Letoi & Suction Cup; Miner's Standard, Winster
1366. 23rd Sep - Spandex Ballet & Speedbump; Hyde Park, Dronfield
1367. 30th Sep - Milkmaid & Cummingtonite; Rising Sun, Nether Green

 

1364. 9th Sep - G-String & Glo worm; Scotsman's Pack (Hathersage)

And the prize for best attendance goes to…

…G-String and Glo worm, they’ve been with us for almost a year now and I can’t remember a hash where at least one of them didn’t show up.  If records and eyesight can be believed then this was the fourth Hash they have set and so it was over to them to lead us around Hathersage on this Autumn-y evening.

Runners were plenty, parking spaces not so much, after we had filled the pub car park the streets copped for it. The search for parking spaces meant that a headcount couldn’t take place until we got to the snacks, 4 or 5km in, I think it’s ok to do a headcount at that stage.  Anyway by some reckoning there were 21 hashers and 3 dogs.

I was trying to sleep!!

Special mention to Lunar who thought she was rid of her troubles when Monty retired, only to find that he had passed the torch or lipstick to Brody (aka lost lad). Alas any thoughts about outliving / out-hashing Lost Lad may prove futile as the yet to be handled ‘Tilly’ seems to be triple mad for it.

Anyway, back to the run, in the most refreshing of changes, G&G, or J&J in real life, led us left out of the pub, avoiding the usual hill and 30 seconds of speculation at Little John’s grave. I did speculate the cost of the wall repairs to the unfortunate local who fell foul of the floods, then it was over the road and calling on on in the middle of an otherwise quiet and bewildered neighbourhood.

The purists met the cheaters aka Raw Hide, Lunar and the Apprentice (congrats on excellent GCSE results by the way) on the Sheffield road. From there we were checked across the road and on on up towards Scraperlow plantation. The hill separated the wheat from the chaff and allowed the apprentice (perhaps The Graduate now) to perform a long check all the way back to Ringinglow road. The older but probably not wiser waited for the checkers to do their work then headed left.

Retired checker ‘Shunter’ chuntered for a few minutes atop the hill about having set the same burns night hash three times with Hashers failing to complete it an equal number of times. I am already looking forward to next year’s burns night / best mutiny competition hash. (At least one shot of Shunter’s whisky must be consumed for the mutiny to count.)

A stunning quagmire awaited us by the farm, many a muddy set of ankles were created, hopefully they’ve not had new carpets fitted in the pack. Further along the route , the Apprentice was proved morally correct in that we did finally cross Ringinglow Road, headlights (mainly petzl G-String) at this stage seemed to be multiplying.

We were eventually led to Higger tor, if my analysis and matching of the contour lines on Strava with those on the dodgy OS app (wink) was correct.  Snacks of the baked variety and bags of sweets awaited us.  The dogs and their respective owners kept their distances whilst the hashers grazed.

                                              Split into two groups and fight each other!!                         

Energy levels restored, headcount complete and without any serious dog-on-dog violence we headed back towards the bright lights of Hathersage.

Upon arrival at the Scotsman pack we stepped into a parallel universe with people almost looking like us occupying the area occupied by us and in fact talking with each other amongst us, at first we worried that they had been missed in our rigorous head counting procedure but then realised it was our parallel-selves aka the Fat Boys.

With the pub now full with runners chat ensued about the location of the diary, next week’s run (Build it and they will come was the advice), the away weekend, MTB fear of heights coaching and of course thanks to our hares for a great route and snacks!!

On on,

Sticky Shaft

 

Afterthought – Pearls of Wisdom, in lieu of actual attendance, from ye olde Captain to ye olde or ye tired-ey hashers.

1. Always check the calendar before setting out: hashes are on Mondays, remember.

2. Always check the blog too: turning up at next week's pub won't bring you any advantage.

3. Don't forget your head torch: carrying it in your pocket will remind you to charge it before next week.

4. Don't warm up: you've only got such much energy, dammit.

5. Start at a brisk walking pace: you can always slow down later.

6. Each time you see some flour shout "on on": it creates the impression you're still involved in the trail, albeit distantly.

7. If your head torch is working turn it off each time you stop for a wee: you're on a hash, not starring in the Full Monty stage show.

8. Try to get to the hash rest before all the jelly babies are finished: better still carry a packet with you just in case.

9. Up hill sections are YOUR time: others will be walking too.

10. When you get back to the pub, check it's still open before getting changed: you can always drive home in wet clothes.

And a final thought: despite all the above just be grateful you can still get out on a Monday night; you know you'd miss it if you didn't.  ☘️☠️

August 2024

1360. 5th August - Trunks; Fulwood Ale Club, Fulwood
1361. 12th August - Shunter; Packhorse Inn, Little Longstone
1362. 19th August - Sticky Shaft; Mechanics Institute Village Club, Eyam
          26th August - Bank Holiday (no hash)

 

1358. 22nd July - Samson Letoi & Suction Cup; Druid Inn, Birchover

To chalk or not to chalk!

Twelve hounds and two real ‘uns made the journey down south for this highly anticipated husband and wife hash setting.   Mudslide brought along son and special guest Reuben, will he come again? Can we get his name in the diary? What Hash Handle can we give him??

The start point was Birchover but we also took in the as-of-yet undiscovered (by your scribe) village of Winster, well 25% (three) of us did. If nothing else this Hash proved that nettles are much more aggressive outside of the Hope Valley.

In a sign of the times and under a clear and present danger of the pub been shut before we finished Smittie started proceedings at 19:45 precisely. Those of us who arrived late knew the massive advantage this would give the FRBs and sure enough it took us a whole three minutes to find the rest of the pack wandering aimlessly at the second check.

The first section took us on a leafy lane out of the village, some dubious markings puzzled the late comers but with the confused front runners just ahead this ‘check back’, which had seemingly been reincarnated to a ‘back-to-check’, posed no real problem. Better more flour than a light dusting says I, in a passive aggressive dig at another Hasher who shall remain nameless.

We were then on a pleasant trot up through the woods, early signs of aggressive nettles and brambles were not really taken as a sign of things to come.  A very joyous Fish-bait even stopped to munch a few blackberries.

We eventually arrived at the Cork Stone, as usual there was a procession of Hashers wanting to know if they could still scale it. Accompanying photos of these ascents will surely avoid any Mallory-esque suggestion of doubt being gossiped around the care homes of Sheffield in the coming decades.

Pre this Hash there had been suggestions by the hares of an extra 2K loop for those who were willing, after last week’s excess of checking which caused an extra 3K of running such a suggestion was met with some scepticism. ‘’We could provide a map’ suggested Samson le Toi, cue much guffaw (to mask the fear of having to actually navigate) so after ridicule, thanks but no thanks, not on this Hash, no siree, we mistakenly did the extra 2K loop anyway which lead us nicely to the Nine Ladies Stone circle.

Always a nice place to visit, there were a few free spirits camping out there, we stayed a while then continued on our merry way heading back towards Lees Road and all taking part in Mudlside’s ‘Hash – The Movie’. We eventually reached the Barn Farm camping area, no peacocks this week, and headed across the fields to Clough lane where we were greeted by a check.

The route turned out to be on on down and this is where things took a turn. Myself, Mudlside and 14 miler Jinx got ahead and found the little path to the right, this eventually lead to a fork. Whilst supervising the check I listened out for the others but there was only silence, soon to be broken by a returning Mudlside, we gave the situation a moment’s thought then went on on after Jinx.

It transpired in the pub that the group had been delaying by a tumbling Soggy Bottom who, as well as achieving a perfect 10 for floor exercises also managed to avoid putting a scratch on her OMM jacket, she did unfortunately injure herself in several places and ended up with a leg held together by someone’s head band…we wish soggy a speedy recovery!

Back with the front runners, it went; nettles, Brambles, more nettles, wrong trail, right trail, mud, flies and on on into Winster.  The three of us managed a good look at the high street and it’s shop without noticing the Hash Rest, after a bit of searching we found the path out of the village and followed nettles / mud and bramble in to the valley.

Mudslide and I then went left and right to determine the final ascent.  Jinx was left to kick out the trail. He attracted the interest of the local bull who proceed to amble after him up the hill. As is the norm with the Hash in these events Mudslide and I laughed from a safe distance, not really considering the potential for a trampling.

Thereafter we soon came back to the starting point, other hashers began to appear. Our greatest fears were not realised and the pub was still open.  Thanks to SLT and Suction cup for a great hash!!

On On, Sticky Shaft

P.S. *What distance should my Hash be?

6km (3.72823 miles) – Each hasher inwardly glad.

8km (4.97097 miles) – Nods of self-satisfaction, i.e. ‘I’ve earnt my beer’).

10km (6.21371 miles) – General consensus that we got back to the pub in the nick of time.

12k (7.45645 miles) – Chuffin’ ell, that hare’s took a liberty tonight!

12km+ - inclusive, above and beyond will result in continued digs for weeks to come and at worst a 10-year banishing from the hash.

 *These are setting distances and do not take into consideration some of the atrocious checking that occurs.

July 2024

1355. 1st July - Monty's Batman; The Star Inn, Tideswell
1356. 8th July - Mudslide; Rose & Crown "Minnies", Stannington
1357. 15th July - Sticky Shaft; The Miners Arms, Eyam
1358. 22nd July - Samson Letoi & Suction Cup; Druid Inn, Birchover
1359. 29th July - Cummingtonite & Milkmaid; Cricket Inn, Totley

 

1355. 1st July - Monty's Batman; The Star Inn, Tideswell

                                                   &

1356. 8th July - Mudslide; Rose & Crown "Minnies", Stannington

“I love that glow and now I know, Summer’s in bloom”, sang Gary Stringer all those summers ago, he also sang , ‘I got a stinging nettle rash for it, but I'm so very happy that I did’, ...and so it was that the Hash summer season had kicked off. 

The last twelve months have been boom times for the Sheffield Hash, a flurry of new recruits, leading to new stories, new naming opportunities and indeed a none stop supply of newly press ganged hares. 

First up in July was the not-so-new Monty’s Batman with an exotic offering in Tideswell. Just as Bradwell’s one way system makes it the London of the Peak district, Tideswell’s Carnival clear up surely renders it the Rio de Janeiro of the peak district…or maybe Glastonbury of the Peaks would have made more sense??

Shunter did his bit for the community by helping locals move a large piece of carnival decoration into a white van, either that or a sophisticated gang of art thieves recruiting an unwitting accomplice. There’s been no appeal for witnesses on facebook nor denials from other running groups yet, so one can only assume the former.

The Star inn was our venue, local Hash star Biggles was seen wandering the streets but only joining us for the boozy segment of the Hash.  No one appreciates too much creativity on a hash but MTB had not got the memo and tried to combine flour frugality with a tour of the village, through the church, up the steps down the passage, onto high street, say no more.

Finally he took us out into the hills where we belonged.  Newly handled Speed Bump brought us a new recruit, who incidentally did turn up the week after, so we may have got ourselves another lifer, watch this space!! He was slightly concerned by some of the hash handles but we made vague promises that the new generation of handles were much more family friendly.  Samson le toi and Suction Cup also brought a recruit, so more handles to think up!!

True to form, MTBs hash had saved the bulk of the flour for the snacks, baked no doubt by other members of the MTB tribe and very much appreciated by the Hashers.

There followed some undulating hills and doubts as to whether we were heading back towards the village, local hasher Moist Cleft assured us we were on the right track so eventually by hook or by crook we arrived back at the venue.

In what must be a first we were offered a separate room, a ‘Hash Hole’ so to speak, our swelling numbers soon filled the room and extra seats were required.  The diary was subsequently passed round with a least a couple of signatures collected, all in all a nice trip down south!!.

On, On to the next run….

 

The second summer offering came from newly recruited, named and signed up as a hare, ‘Mudslide’.  Never has one hasher given so much material, in so little time, for the joy of so many.  Mudslide may prove to be a temporary name until the next legend takes over, (Incidentally mother-hash mismanagement retains the sole rights to a name change).

There was a certain anticipation as to how this Hash may go, a bit like a 1980s quiet Friday night out with Ozzy Osborne and Keith Richards was the feeling in the camp. A series of pre, during and post hash whatsapp messages did confirm that it would indeed be a wild night out with the afore mentioned hell raisers + an Oliver Reed chaser.  but we were game and duly took it on.

Backwards, in fact, for why stick with convention? The flour / contents of Mudlside’s baking cupboard took us firstly to the hash home then it was a fairly conventional trot in the wrong direction along the north side of Rivelin valley.

Faced with a choice of left, right, private property or the actual trail we splintered and followed all but the latter.  Your scribe unfortunately chose the group with the most opinions and indeed 13 miler Jinx, so we went one way then the other. We then imagined what we thought the hare might have meant and marched along the surprisingly high Rivelin Crags / Edge / Rocks / cliffs...

Faced with slightly up or down then a lot of up, we went for slightly up which proved to be the hedge hopping trail.  With the actual path o’er yonder and within view, we talked MTB into going that way whilst the rest of us just continued hedgehopping.

We finally regrouped onto the conventional Hash Home path and headed towards the pub. We were greeted by a very smug looking group of silver hashers, who had done slightly more mileage than the rest of us, alas they did not find the snacks either and the hare was still missing. There were tales of free range chicken fiddling going on in that splinter group, but there was not a great appetite to probe for further details.

Debate raged as to what the actual route should have been whilst simultaneously receiving whatsapp updates from the hare.  There was a rumour floating round that said hare had gone home to feed her dog, but then, from out of nowhere, just as she had burst onto the hash she burst into the pub to complete the debrief.

It all became very clear...

Mudslide then proceeded, in perfect recall, mile for mile, potential flour dot to potential flour dot, to tell us where we should have gone, we had all done bits but no one had completed the whole puzzle. Mudslide is not the first to have not had her treats found, so to speak, and will surely not be the last, so thanks for stepping up, emptying your baking cupboard and entertaining us on this summer series!!

On on, Sticky Shaft

Epilogue

We knew the hash would never be the same again. A few people laughed, a few people sighed, most awaited an explosion of joy from our hare. I remembered having tried to persuade our new hare to do her duty and put her name in the diary. Keen as mustard and as bright as the blazing sun she signed up solo not knowing that she had unwittingly become Time, the Destroyer of Worlds...or at least post hash drinking minutes.’

(apologies to Robert Oppenheimer and the Bhagavad Gita)

Hash Setting Tips: 
-Tek a lot of flour, drop it every 50m / 55 yards.
-Dunt do false trails if unsure.
-Check-backs and back-to-checks are not for the novice and very often not for the experienced hare either. 
-We are not insured against the risk of a figure of eight trail going wrong.
-There are countless tails of the ‘hide behind the wall as they pass’ manoeuvre going wrong
-Optional: Leave snacks close to a road for easy retrieval should they not found and devoured on the first pass.