1370. 21st October - Uglyman, Hammer & Pincers, Ringinglow

The one where plans were finalised

Fourteen Hashers and Two hounds assembled at the Hammer and Pincers for the first time in an age.  The Soggy Bottom family put out three Hashers + a hound, G-String and Glowworm made an appearance from Hathersage, Speed Bump and yet to be handled Joseph came from Dronfield, Fishbait and Tilly from Grindleford, Smittie, Trunks and 17 Mile Jinx from the Fulwood area, Shunter of Woodseats and a well illuminated (front / back / head & spare lights) Mudslide and myself from Crookes all made the journey.

Punctuality was the name of the game, and we were soon off across the road and Porter Valley bound.  A few of us ‘rear enders’ sensed a bit of competition in the air this evening mainly due to the lack of calling. The pack comprised of three prime checkers in the form of Shunter, The Apprentice and Mudslide so this could prove to be a quick run.

We soon found ourselves crossing the Porter Brook and heading up towards Fulwood only to be caught out by a signature Uglyman long back to check, upon a second check we found it was up the river past ‘Prof’s bend’ and on to another check at Forge Dam. I had my suspicions and soon found the trail heading along the south side of Forge Dam.  I managed to suck most of the pack in only to found myself done again by a long b-2-c.

The actual route took us up Priest Hill towards Cottage Lane, the scene of many a previous race to the summit. Off Cottage Lane we headed right and up the hill which eventually lead us to the Hash Rest where some home made flap jack was awaiting us.

Don't let the poo bag appearance fool you, the snacks were delicious! 

Fuelled and sensing we had broke the back of the run we headed on towards Ringinglow road Crossing at Wigley farm. Half of the pack, lead by Smittie, seemed to think we hadn’t had a controversy for a while so headed up the farm drive presumably in the hope of seeing an annoyed farmer + dog, but it was a calm night and there was no such drama, we regrouped heading towards the Limb valley.

Despite woofed promises that they would behave, both hounds had to be escorted on short leads / carried through the field of sheep all whilst protesting their innocence.

Enroute, we discovered a strange new marking which turned out to be a decent effort by Uglyman at a pair of Spectacles, which in turn indicated a nice view, which indeed there was; a glowing moon with a glittering Sheffield lying beneath it. 

Unfortunately there is no picture of the actual view...

A nice strut through the limb valley eventually led us to Coit lane and across Castle dyke playing fields, then it was back down Ringinglow Road to the H&P.  All in all a nice run in great Autumn conditions.

On On Sticky Shaft

…and finally

It proved a productive Hash:

Shining Cliff Weekend - all sorted, with Hares, Cooks and hopefully enough flour.

The Christmas Party  - Theme sorted, artwork complete, thanks TW, start and end venues booked, a hare has been appointed (Mincer), a poll has been pinned to the thread, now just awaiting final confirmations.

The Diary - full and now taking bookings for 2025, some slots have already been taken in the makeshift 2025 section of the 2024 Diary

The Actual Diary – It’s heading towards that time when a new one needs to appear. There was talk (by Uglyman) of an electronic diary, cue sharp intakes of breath.  With an upcoming Hash in Wharncliffe Side, will Fast Eddy appear and save the day? He’s underwritten this annual admin cost for as long as I can remember, it would be some feat of heroism were he to turn up next week, mid paternity leave, with a shiny new diary…

 

1369. 14th October - Monty's Batman, Robin Hood, Baslow

Begging, Bananas, Bread and Bolving

Pre 7:45pm, our hare MTB had out done himself on flour stinginess and had to go cap in hand to our landlord for a loan. Many thanks by the way to the Robin Hood and its landlord!!

                                                    Struggling Pubs face increased demands from Hashers

@7.52pm was about the time that the Crookes bunch turned up and the pack were long gone. I asked the friendly landlord if he had any flour to spare, he looked at me aghast, but confirmed parking was for free.

So off we set in pursuit of the others, there were two obvious directions, but MTB had carved out a third and off we set up the hill back towards the Sheffield road, which we incidentally did not take to get here, hence the tardiness.

Mudslide, ever one for a challenge, decided to rely on her night vision to climb the hill, fortunately there was a first aid kit waiting with the pack and a couple of medical ‘professionals’ to fix the damage.  Trunks was also on hand with his spare torch, so a patched up and illuminated mudslide took her natural front runner position and saved the rest of us lazy buggers from having to check too much.

                                                                ...and the moral of the story is

As fast as the latecomers ran, the trail was all up hill so we didn’t actually catch the pack until the hash rest, where ten of them were waiting for us. Will’s Banana cake / bread was the topic of conversation with a lot of pleasantly surprised looks amongst the pack. I can confirm it was indeed yummy, filling and two pieces were consumed. Lost lad looked more than happy to receive treats from an unused poo bag.

A glorious red mushroom was purposely left on the wall by one of the pack, but we’ll come back to that later. From there it was on on across the top of Yield wood and towards the glittering lights of Baslow where we spread out in the village to look for the route.

We inevitably found ourselves at the ‘Group Kissing’ gate into Chatsworth, I few open minded hashers squished themselves in, lost lad got caught up in the excitement.  Fortunately no fingers or otherwise were lost in the transaction and we all found ourselves in the dark and eery Chatsworth House grounds.

                                

                                                                Mind yer bits and pieces!

Jurassic style noises were heard from the woods, we all knew what they were but proceeded with some caution towards the treeline.  There were the occasional sightings of a fierce and protective stag with his doe Harem. The spectacular rutting / bolving season was underway.

I must break off at this point to mention that we do have greatness within our ranks, one hasher who shall remain nameless is a regional champion at bolving (…or bolving impressions?) and is immortalised by a plaque in some village hall around the Hope Valley. When last pressed on the issue she was too modest to give us a demonstration but confirmed, ‘It was a proud moment’. Local generic farmer and bolving enthusiast ‘Billy Cornfield’ was interviewed about the victory at the time and simply remarked, ‘It was Crystal clear there could only be one winner that year, she was Tipped for greatness but just walked away from the whole scene, a sad day for the sport…’.

Anyway, back to the trail. We made our way past the horny deer and annoyed sheep and headed up the Hill, it felt like the whole run had been up hill that evening, finally atop the hill and above the tree line the trail plateaued.

From there it was back in the direction of the pub, MTB surprised most of us with a new trail avoiding the long slog back up the road to the pub.  This new trail proved tight in places and eventually made its way down to the stream.  We were confronted with warning signs to avoid the damaged bridge, no handrails apparently, but as most of us were born before the era of intense ‘elf and safety’ we crossed anyway, there were no casualties. From there it was a sprint finish to the pub.

A great run, discovering some new paths, at 9.5KM it was at risk of been muttered about but with everyone back at a reasonable hour it was time to enjoy a beer and some post Hash Chat.

Special shout out to Milkmaid and Cummingtonite for filling up the diary on their debut press ganging.

Special mention to one of our hashers for arranging a post hash date in the pub and presenting not a bouquet of flowers but a shiny red mushroom to his companion. Apologies from my side for trying to get her to put her name in the diary.

Epilogue

A very satisfied looking Monty’s Batman was later seen returning three quarters of the loaned flour to the landlord, thus cementing his reputation as a spectacular conservationist.

 

1367. 30th Sep - Cummingtonite & Milkmaid; The Rising Sun, Nethergreen

A Tale of Two Hashes

T’was a rainy night when a party of five set off from Crookes to see what our intrepid hares had in store for us. Sure as the sun rises Gloworm and G-String (complete with new lighting, sleek black Petzl, choice of champions) were eagerly awaiting the rest of the pack outside the Rising Sun.

It was rumoured that an advance party had already set off, but due to no kicked out checks this was surely a forlorn hope. Off we set around the back of the shops, currently unhandled Toby led the way and did some fancy spotting of ‘rain distressed’ flour.

                                                     Nothing could rile tonight's trail

The pack made its way cautiously alongside Hangingwater Allotments and Whitely woods, there was a high risk of trail loss, fortunately we had honed our skills on MTB’s previous hashes. We proceeded gingerly up through Bluebell woods discovering new path after new path, even lost lad stayed close by on this dark damp evening.

We eventually hit suburbia briefly and on to Bents Road, a weirdly wide road where cars refuse to pass each other but rather give way. There was a brief attempt by two cars to pass, à la normal motoring, but this ended in honks and screeches. At Haugh Lane it was a case of hashers' anticipation and hares' dilemma, Eccy woods or on towards Whirlow?

Whirlow it was and on we ambled, wondering; where were the lost hashers, would there be snacks, would it ever stop raining?  (Mincer had previously answered this in a fairly average attempt at whit on the Hash thread, 07:30 on Tuesday was the answer).

We made our way between Birkdale and Silverdale Schools finally coming out again on Ringinglow road.  Slightly up hill and to the left Toby appeared to be moon walking,  kicking out a check, or possibly rubbing poop off his shoes, with little else to go on we all followed him down Common lane and back towards the Porter Valley.

The scent of home was within us now and the pace picked up, such was Captain Morgan’s thirst that he took a short cut and likely got lost.  At Forge Dam playground we cut right and back down the valley, fond memories surfaced of Prof’s tale of riding headfirst into the river here, no serious damage done though!! 

At this point Captain Morgan proved that all shortcuts were the work of sinners and reappeared having gained no advantage whatsoever.  A drenched cyclist also appeared to tell us that a Tsunami had hit Bingham Park and that we should avoid it, he then carried on towards the source of the floods on his gravel bike.

The tail runners made the final ascent back toward Fulwood Road then it was on on down towards the pub. The rest of the pack, the Hares and the snacks awaited us. There had been a few potential sightings of other hashers but as they were not yet back, we feared the worst….in that they had not come out, not that they had disappeared in the Bingham Park Tsunami…for clarity.

It hardly seemed worth bringing out the diary and the night would have reached its natural conclusion except for, one by one, they started to appear, firstly Trunks, then Fishbait, Barnaby, Smittie and finally, on an after-party only ticket, was 15 mile Jinx. The diary duly appeared and a few holes in the calendar were plugged. The alternative hashers didn’t elaborate too much on where they had been or comment on their poor pace but perhaps their digital signatures may offer a clue:

                       

                             A Team Route                                                       B Team Route -  Don't Dilly Dally on the way

All in all a good night, those who braved the floods were grateful they did, thanks to the hares who also braved the floods and the criticism to set us an interesting trail. For their endeavours they have been offered places on the Hash Management Training Scheme and are the current custodians of the diary.  They are keen so you may get tap on the shoulder requesting that you set.                                                   

Reunited finally!!

On on,

Sticky Shaft

Afterthought….in true diva style, presumably to avoid the paparazzi and unwanted attention of Tilly, Lost Lad was carried out under a towel, possibly a John Lewis number, and escorted to his waiting limo where he became the first dog to sit in the boot. Tilly meanwhile sat quietly in disbelief that she had had to run with the B Team…

December 2024

1378. 2^nd December – Jinx; Norfolk Arms, Ringinglow
1379. 9^th December – Mincer, Hash Christmas Party, The Sheffield Tap
1380. 16^th December – Sticky Shaft, The Shepley Spitfire
1381. 23^rd December – Monty's Batman, TBC
1382. 30^th December - YTBH, Unsanctioned holiday Hash

November 2024

1372. 4^th November – Shunter, Itchy Pig, Ecclesall Road ( not Broomhill!)
1373. 11^th November – Fishbait; The Maynard, Grindleford

1374. 16^th November - Winter Training Camp, Shining Cliff
1375. 17^th November-  Winter Training Camp, Shining Cliff

1376. 18th November - Prof, Old Hall, Hope
1377. 25^th November -Martin & Heli, Gardener's Rest, Neepsend

October 2024

1368. 7th October – Smittie, Sportsman, Lodge Moor
1369. 14th October - Monty's Batman, Robin Hood, Baslow
1370. 21st October – Uglyman, Hammer & Pincers, Ringinglow Road
1371. 28th October - Barnaby, Blue Ball, Wharncliffe Side

September 2024

1363. 2nd Sep - Captain Morgan; Sportsman, Lodgemoor
1364. 9th Sep - G-String & Glowworm; Scotsman's Pack (Hathersage)
1365. 16th Sep - Samson Letoi & Suction Cup; Miner's Standard, Winster
1366. 23rd Sep - Spandex Ballet & Speedbump; Hyde Park, Dronfield
1367. 30th Sep - Milkmaid & Cummingtonite; Rising Sun, Nether Green

 

1364. 9th Sep - G-String & Glo worm; Scotsman's Pack (Hathersage)

And the prize for best attendance goes to…

…G-String and Glo worm, they’ve been with us for almost a year now and I can’t remember a hash where at least one of them didn’t show up.  If records and eyesight can be believed then this was the fourth Hash they have set and so it was over to them to lead us around Hathersage on this Autumn-y evening.

Runners were plenty, parking spaces not so much, after we had filled the pub car park the streets copped for it. The search for parking spaces meant that a headcount couldn’t take place until we got to the snacks, 4 or 5km in, I think it’s ok to do a headcount at that stage.  Anyway by some reckoning there were 21 hashers and 3 dogs.

I was trying to sleep!!

Special mention to Lunar who thought she was rid of her troubles when Monty retired, only to find that he had passed the torch or lipstick to Brody (aka lost lad). Alas any thoughts about outliving / out-hashing Lost Lad may prove futile as the yet to be handled ‘Tilly’ seems to be triple mad for it.

Anyway, back to the run, in the most refreshing of changes, G&G, or J&J in real life, led us left out of the pub, avoiding the usual hill and 30 seconds of speculation at Little John’s grave. I did speculate the cost of the wall repairs to the unfortunate local who fell foul of the floods, then it was over the road and calling on on in the middle of an otherwise quiet and bewildered neighbourhood.

The purists met the cheaters aka Raw Hide, Lunar and the Apprentice (congrats on excellent GCSE results by the way) on the Sheffield road. From there we were checked across the road and on on up towards Scraperlow plantation. The hill separated the wheat from the chaff and allowed the apprentice (perhaps The Graduate now) to perform a long check all the way back to Ringinglow road. The older but probably not wiser waited for the checkers to do their work then headed left.

Retired checker ‘Shunter’ chuntered for a few minutes atop the hill about having set the same burns night hash three times with Hashers failing to complete it an equal number of times. I am already looking forward to next year’s burns night / best mutiny competition hash. (At least one shot of Shunter’s whisky must be consumed for the mutiny to count.)

A stunning quagmire awaited us by the farm, many a muddy set of ankles were created, hopefully they’ve not had new carpets fitted in the pack. Further along the route , the Apprentice was proved morally correct in that we did finally cross Ringinglow Road, headlights (mainly petzl G-String) at this stage seemed to be multiplying.

We were eventually led to Higger tor, if my analysis and matching of the contour lines on Strava with those on the dodgy OS app (wink) was correct.  Snacks of the baked variety and bags of sweets awaited us.  The dogs and their respective owners kept their distances whilst the hashers grazed.

                                              Split into two groups and fight each other!!                         

Energy levels restored, headcount complete and without any serious dog-on-dog violence we headed back towards the bright lights of Hathersage.

Upon arrival at the Scotsman pack we stepped into a parallel universe with people almost looking like us occupying the area occupied by us and in fact talking with each other amongst us, at first we worried that they had been missed in our rigorous head counting procedure but then realised it was our parallel-selves aka the Fat Boys.

With the pub now full with runners chat ensued about the location of the diary, next week’s run (Build it and they will come was the advice), the away weekend, MTB fear of heights coaching and of course thanks to our hares for a great route and snacks!!

On on,

Sticky Shaft

 

Afterthought – Pearls of Wisdom, in lieu of actual attendance, from ye olde Captain to ye olde or ye tired-ey hashers.

1. Always check the calendar before setting out: hashes are on Mondays, remember.

2. Always check the blog too: turning up at next week's pub won't bring you any advantage.

3. Don't forget your head torch: carrying it in your pocket will remind you to charge it before next week.

4. Don't warm up: you've only got such much energy, dammit.

5. Start at a brisk walking pace: you can always slow down later.

6. Each time you see some flour shout "on on": it creates the impression you're still involved in the trail, albeit distantly.

7. If your head torch is working turn it off each time you stop for a wee: you're on a hash, not starring in the Full Monty stage show.

8. Try to get to the hash rest before all the jelly babies are finished: better still carry a packet with you just in case.

9. Up hill sections are YOUR time: others will be walking too.

10. When you get back to the pub, check it's still open before getting changed: you can always drive home in wet clothes.

And a final thought: despite all the above just be grateful you can still get out on a Monday night; you know you'd miss it if you didn't.  ☘️☠️

August 2024

1360. 5th August - Trunks; Fulwood Ale Club, Fulwood
1361. 12th August - Shunter; Packhorse Inn, Little Longstone
1362. 19th August - Sticky Shaft; Mechanics Institute Village Club, Eyam
          26th August - Bank Holiday (no hash)

 

1358. 22nd July - Samson Letoi & Suction Cup; Druid Inn, Birchover

To chalk or not to chalk!

Twelve hounds and two real ‘uns made the journey down south for this highly anticipated husband and wife hash setting.   Mudslide brought along son and special guest Reuben, will he come again? Can we get his name in the diary? What Hash Handle can we give him??

The start point was Birchover but we also took in the as-of-yet undiscovered (by your scribe) village of Winster, well 25% (three) of us did. If nothing else this Hash proved that nettles are much more aggressive outside of the Hope Valley.

In a sign of the times and under a clear and present danger of the pub been shut before we finished Smittie started proceedings at 19:45 precisely. Those of us who arrived late knew the massive advantage this would give the FRBs and sure enough it took us a whole three minutes to find the rest of the pack wandering aimlessly at the second check.

The first section took us on a leafy lane out of the village, some dubious markings puzzled the late comers but with the confused front runners just ahead this ‘check back’, which had seemingly been reincarnated to a ‘back-to-check’, posed no real problem. Better more flour than a light dusting says I, in a passive aggressive dig at another Hasher who shall remain nameless.

We were then on a pleasant trot up through the woods, early signs of aggressive nettles and brambles were not really taken as a sign of things to come.  A very joyous Fish-bait even stopped to munch a few blackberries.

We eventually arrived at the Cork Stone, as usual there was a procession of Hashers wanting to know if they could still scale it. Accompanying photos of these ascents will surely avoid any Mallory-esque suggestion of doubt being gossiped around the care homes of Sheffield in the coming decades.

Pre this Hash there had been suggestions by the hares of an extra 2K loop for those who were willing, after last week’s excess of checking which caused an extra 3K of running such a suggestion was met with some scepticism. ‘’We could provide a map’ suggested Samson le Toi, cue much guffaw (to mask the fear of having to actually navigate) so after ridicule, thanks but no thanks, not on this Hash, no siree, we mistakenly did the extra 2K loop anyway which lead us nicely to the Nine Ladies Stone circle.

Always a nice place to visit, there were a few free spirits camping out there, we stayed a while then continued on our merry way heading back towards Lees Road and all taking part in Mudlside’s ‘Hash – The Movie’. We eventually reached the Barn Farm camping area, no peacocks this week, and headed across the fields to Clough lane where we were greeted by a check.

The route turned out to be on on down and this is where things took a turn. Myself, Mudlside and 14 miler Jinx got ahead and found the little path to the right, this eventually lead to a fork. Whilst supervising the check I listened out for the others but there was only silence, soon to be broken by a returning Mudlside, we gave the situation a moment’s thought then went on on after Jinx.

It transpired in the pub that the group had been delaying by a tumbling Soggy Bottom who, as well as achieving a perfect 10 for floor exercises also managed to avoid putting a scratch on her OMM jacket, she did unfortunately injure herself in several places and ended up with a leg held together by someone’s head band…we wish soggy a speedy recovery!

Back with the front runners, it went; nettles, Brambles, more nettles, wrong trail, right trail, mud, flies and on on into Winster.  The three of us managed a good look at the high street and it’s shop without noticing the Hash Rest, after a bit of searching we found the path out of the village and followed nettles / mud and bramble in to the valley.

Mudslide and I then went left and right to determine the final ascent.  Jinx was left to kick out the trail. He attracted the interest of the local bull who proceed to amble after him up the hill. As is the norm with the Hash in these events Mudslide and I laughed from a safe distance, not really considering the potential for a trampling.

Thereafter we soon came back to the starting point, other hashers began to appear. Our greatest fears were not realised and the pub was still open.  Thanks to SLT and Suction cup for a great hash!!

On On, Sticky Shaft

P.S. *What distance should my Hash be?

6km (3.72823 miles) – Each hasher inwardly glad.

8km (4.97097 miles) – Nods of self-satisfaction, i.e. ‘I’ve earnt my beer’).

10km (6.21371 miles) – General consensus that we got back to the pub in the nick of time.

12k (7.45645 miles) – Chuffin’ ell, that hare’s took a liberty tonight!

12km+ - inclusive, above and beyond will result in continued digs for weeks to come and at worst a 10-year banishing from the hash.

 *These are setting distances and do not take into consideration some of the atrocious checking that occurs.